HAPPY HUMP DAY

Happy Hump Day Everyone! Here is my weekly post to make you smile, chuckle, giggle or laugh 'til you pee your pants. Ready? Ok, here goes.....

BLONDE PAINT JOB

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" The man frowned at his wife. "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes." A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked."Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip. "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

SEEMS STRANGELY FAMILIAR......

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills

in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.

That's something to think about next time you lick the end of your thumb while counting dollar bills.

RANDOM TUESDAY THOUGHTS - ALIEN SWEAT-SHOP LABELS

Oh look, it's Tuesday! Which means it's that time again. Time to worship the Un Mom and throw down our offerings of randomness.

• I'm used to all the odd labels and universal symbols on clothing tags. You know the ones telling you to hand wash or line dry or some other sort of fabric care. I recently bought a new pair of athletic shoes. This was the sticker on the inside of each shoe:

The picture on the top and middle right is of a weave pattern. It kinda looks like micro print in the pic, but it's not. Can anyone tell me what this means, because I'm still trying to translate if my shoes were made in an alien sweat shop or if they're going to spontaneously combust if I step in a puddle of water.

• Not much new on the hot Russian neighbor. Although last week while Hanna was across the street waiting on the bus Daddy watered the front lawn. It's his own method of avoidance. He later told me about Hanna having a lengthy conversation with the HRN. They were chatting and the HRN was laughing. My first thought was, OMG! My daughter is a traitor. Then I thought, uh-oh,  I wonder if Hanna heard me making comments about the HRN and is telling her things I've said about her. Is some creepy Russian mob henchman named Ivan coming to torture and dispose of me next? After school I inquired about their conversation. Apparently the HRN tried exchanging pleasantries with my daughter. Hanna stared at her and then finally told her politely that she couldn't understand what she was saying because of her accent.

• Many thanks to Daddy for spending lots of time on the pool this last week. I know it was hard work, but you saved us lots of money. I guess this means I won't be getting a pool boy now though.

• Tropical Storm Hermine is off the Gulf Coast bring loads of rain to us this week. Not liking this at all. It's dreary and dark. Plus it's terrific napping weather, but then my To Do List gets overloaded. Besides the kids are back in school. I need at least a few days of sunshine to enjoy the peace and quiet of the splash free pool that is finally kid free.

• I sent this tweet out last week:

My man is an official Twitter stalker. He wants to know if DH stands for dick head. I guess it depends on when he asks

Need more randomness? Then go check out Keely's. She full of awesomeness and has finally gotten a new fugly RTT button. So click her button and go sign up or just read along and follow the randomness.

THE QUEEN DOESN'T GET THE DAY OFF

Happy Labor Day my royal peeps! It's Friday The Chihuahua Queen here. It's a holiday, but obviously the Queen is still working. Christina is taking the holiday off. I'm sure she is celebrating by doing as little as possible.

It has been quite a while since I last posted. There's been lots of change here too. We moved to a new castle. I like it here... more room, nice yard, and a pool. I still spend the majority of my time doing this though.

I now have new subjects in the kingdom. I'm not referring to Nanny Patty either... Although she does adore me even if she tries to deny it. I'm referring to my new minions.

That's Bodie. He's a big fur-ball who barks to much. He's like a big scary bodyguard. Unfortunately his method of attack consist of licking you to death. He'll steal the food right from your plate or food bowl if you aren't looking. His breath is also known to be deadly.

That's Elliott. My people adopted him for Nanny Patty. They really liked the fact that we look so much alike. I wasn't to sure about him at first, but I guess he's alright for a lazy, fat-ass dog.

It's all good as long as he realizes he'll never be king. Sorry, but this girl is reigning solo. If he gets a little to ambitious I'll be locking him in the dungeon.

Christina will be back tomorrow. Apparently she takes this whole Labor Day thing seriously. It's fine as long as she doesn't forget my food. I hope everyone enjoys the holiday. I'll make sure I don't stay gone so long next time.

Licks and Wags,
Friday
Chihuahua Queen

CHEVY IS LOOKING FOR ROCKIN' TEXAS DADS

Are you a Texas dad who rocks? Maybe you know one who likes to jam. Well, I have the perfect contest for every rockin' Texas dad to enter!

Send your favorite rockin' dad over to www.chevydadbands.com where they can enter their information, link to their MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and other sites. Dad bands need to upload a video or picture along with an MP3 of them rockin' it out. Your favorite dad band just might end up at the State Fair of Texas in Chevrolet's Battle of the Dad Bands.

Here are some important dates for the contest:

• Enter your band from August 31st through September 27th
• The Top Five Bands will be chosen on October 4th
• The Battle of the Bands will occur on October 16th, where the winner will be announced

Even if your idea of rockin' consist of an air guitar you can still play along. Go check out all the dad bands at www.chevydadbands.com and vote for your favorite. Be sure to follow @ChevyTexan on Twitter to watch the challenge unfold.

MY WORK HERE IS DONE... ALMOST

We have our own morning routine around the house. I don't like mornings, and frankly I don't like people in the morning. So the majority of my participation is in preparation the night before. I try to stay clear of Daddy and our not so little people in the morning. This way no one gets hurt.

Wednesday morning the alarm went off at 6:30 just like every other morning since school is back in session. I kept sleeping. Daddy who had basically been stirring for about an hour noticed the house was quiet. This is unusual since lately the kids have been getting up on time on their own. Most mornings the kids are downstairs eating breakfast before we make it to the kitchen. I was starting to stir hearing the commotion around me. I was just starting to peek through tiny slits in my eyes when Daddy walked in and said, "You won't believe what your daughter did!" He was right. I still can't believe it....

Apparently, Hanna who is ten woke up at 5:00 AM. Like some sort of oddity that does not resemble me in any way, she did not go back to sleep. She did attempted to wake her brother up at 5:15, at which time he told her she was crazy. Hanna came downstairs and fixed herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. She even cleaned up her breakfast dishes and loaded them in the dishwasher. She also packed her own lunch which included a sandwich, cheese puffs, cookies and juice. Hanna was completely dressed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, socks and shoes on, and watching TV before our alarm even made a sound. She even filled her water bottle and put everything in her backpack. When Daddy called up the stairs to find out why it was so quiet she was ready to head out and catch the bus. Only problem was she was over an hour early.

I'm not sure what happened to my daughter or what alien life form has replaced her. All I know is that this kid has her shit together and I like it. No more headaches and frustration getting everyone ok, at least one kid out the door for school. I'm sure Daddy will appreciate it too... and I can sleep without feeling guilty. I guess we did something right.